| So.... I Passed the Bar |
[Oct. 8th, 2005|10:53 am] |
FINALLY. I think this was officially the longest wait of my whole entire life. I've never had so little confidence in my future as I have in these couple months. THANK YOU BAR GODS, now I can finally focus on finding a job...I kissed the computer screen when I saw my name on the list at 2 am. I can totally understand
not passing...But passing is so, so much better. A couple friends didn't pass so I'm feeling conflicted feelings for them, but other than that, I'm feeling fantastic.
Woooooooooooo. Champagne at 11 am! |
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| Free Coffee for Life |
[Oct. 7th, 2005|01:06 pm] |
It's true. I've received a Gift from "God." It seems that I have unlimited free coffee at the Safeway Starbucks across from my apartment building. The second one I thought was a fluke but as of today, I've gotten 3 coffees in a row this week (including fancy drinks), and every single one registered as free in their computer system. Now i need to go at different times or in costume because I'm afraid the people working there will catch on to my undeserved unlimited free coffee privileges.
Can this possibly go on for much longer?
Only time will tell. |
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| "If That Drink Were a Girl, I Would Date it. It Tastes Like a Flower But It Has Punch" |
[Oct. 2nd, 2005|07:09 pm] |
I'm getting annoyed that people make certain assumptions about my time because I'm unemployed and in bar purgatory. Because my week goes like this:
Monday - SCRAP
Tuesday - ACLU
Wednesday - SCRAP
Thursday - ACLU
Friday Volunteer - Northwest Women's Law Center (I finally had to cancel this)
All weekend - Work @ Eworks
I'm researching the legislative history of sex offenders.
I'm representing a defendant in a DUI trial.
I'm meeting a lot of people through QLaw (we just had our first KickOff)
So it's not like I'm just sitting around twiddling my thumbs. Granted, things aren't just peachy. I had a nervous breakdown on Friday. But I'm making the best of it.
Excerpt from Brunch Today:
"People Say You Shouldn't Buy Those Clothes Because That Supports Slave Labor"
"If We Go Down That Track, Well then This French Toast Evil too." |
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| I'm Back From the LiveJournal Dead |
[Sep. 16th, 2005|12:29 pm] |
Since taking the big B, I've lost 10 lbs (more than one person has commented, are you eating?), become a Professional Non-Profit Volunteer Extraordinaire and continue to do movie surveys over the weekend (which secretly I enjoy, don't tell). This week I got a cold on Monday and by Thursday morning, I was 100% better. This is unprecedented, since it usually takes me weeks to recover. It's amazing what can happen when you are not stressed out and taking care of yourself. And allowing yourself to indulge in things like Sega Outrun2 at GameWorks (videogame heroin).
I went to a GLAAD Media Training on Tuesday, and thought of the trainer/regional media manager, I Want To Be This Person. I mean, seriously, you get to walk around and talk about GLBT Images in the media all day? And watch TV, newspapers, etc. for what you think is bad stuff? So I'm applying for a position with GLAAD, which is completely NOT law related but perhaps my nonlaw dream job. Don't worry, I'm also applying for law-related positions but this one just sort of grabbed me, and I thought, why did I go to law school? Actually, I've been thinking that a lot lately, which is pretty dangerous, I think I need to start blocking it out for awhile. But who wouldn't have doubts in my situation? |
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| Nightswimming...Deserves a Quiet Night |
[Jul. 31st, 2005|08:59 pm] |
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I think I may have just had the most guiltily glorious swimming experience in my whole entire life. I had the pool all to myself on the 10th floor of this posh french hotel. It's this sort of pool that glows at night. Sided by windows, with a view of the Chicago skyline. I could see my reflection on the ceiling and it looked like a scene from Annie. I feel a little like an imposter here. My parents dropped me here by the airport so they could ensure my safe return (and maybe so that I wouldn't get into trouble in downtown Chitown). No one else seems to be in the building. It's eerie. I guess maybe Sunday night isn't a big business traveler night, or people actually here for business don't have time for frivolous things like swimming. |
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| I Took the Bar and Now I'm In Chicago |
[Jul. 31st, 2005|08:41 am] |
I'm just going to assume I passed it until I hear otherwise. Any other sort of thinking has the potential to make my life very miserable before October 10th (the day my results are revealed). But I just want to say: it was definitely the grossest thing I've ever done. I didn't sleep very well for 4 nights and at 3 am the next morning, I had to go to the airport. Once there, I promptly ran to the restroom to throw up. That wasn't even close to gross, after everything I'd been through. But nothing came out. I couldn't even purge myself of whatever was making me sick, let alone my thoughts.
I'm in Chicago for a wedding. Well, Naperville to be exact. Last night at the reception I related most to the under 18 year olds. What does that say about my maturity? As a single 27 year old amongst a whole room of smug marrieds, I fit in better with the under 18 year olds than any other group. The angsty teen crowd was just my speed. We danced the night away to disco, man, and I was totally happy with that. I can do the electric slide now. Later we played poker and I gave the 17 year old some tips on sneaking out of the house (to be used sparingly). I couldn't really bring myself to talk to anyone else, as I'm pretty sure I was the only even remotely queer person in the whole entire room. And believe me, I looked really really hard.
It was definitely no bar examination room, filled with cute dykes all over the place (and I looked so awful without sleep....what torture...). This wedding was standard Midwestern issue. I was the only one, out of about a hundred or so women... in pants. And the worst part about it is that I was thinking thank goodness I'm obviously a lesbian so I have an excuse to be stereotypical because this would be really embarassing if I wasn't, as skirts were obviously mandatory and anything else would be disrespectful under normal circumstances.
The minister was very gendered: "and this woman will be sensitive, sweet and caring, and this man will bring his strength and leadership abilities.." Uh, he's not supposed to be sweet and caring too? She's not supposed to be strong? Lots of talk about obedience and compromise, mostly obedience to the man, and of course, the absolutely necessary "God put man and woman on this earth so they could share in each & other join together in holy matrimony." Problematic.
Still, I wish them the best. And I support their relationship fully because at least they love each other. They seemed so sure. |
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| I Think I'm Pregnant |
[Jul. 1st, 2005|11:01 am] |
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Either it's the child of god or the first ever off-spring of a same-sex couple. My period is currently 2 weeks late. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2005|12:43 pm] |
In case you are wondering what happened to me...I've been studying for the bar. Or procrastinating studying for the bar. I can tell you a lot about the voting rights of shareholders in a corporation but don't ask me to be entertaining because I don't have many good stories that don't involve the rule of perpetuities. Sometimes I would really rather not see anyone during this period because I don't want to know about the exciting lives that people are living, and I also can't really enjoy my time with them because lingering in the background is the test. The final test. The big test.
I suppose there is something I could write but any spare creative energies I might have are now being used for memory storage regarding the elements of controlled substance homicide. Seriously, I can barely remember what streets I live by, let alone to update my livejournal. I did go to Pride, and I had fun (I think). It's just hard to enjoy myself these days, and I don't want to talk to the people that are going through what I'm going through (stressful), nor do I necessarily want to talk to the people that aren't (exciting lives).
For the time being, I might as well not exist. |
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| Things I Am Thinking About |
[Jun. 12th, 2005|12:03 pm] |
I was at Safeway, going through the Checkout aisle, and there is one check out clerk in particular that I always get who (and I'm not sure if it's proper to say it but I have to for the sake of description) looks like he has AIDS and is about to die soon. And I know what that looks like. He always seems like he's about to fall apart, but yet, all of the words that come out of his mouth are positive. On this particular busy day, I asked him how he was doing and how much longer his shift was, and he looked at me like I knew it would be crazy busy but proudly declared, "At least I have a job." Then, he wrote something down, and said, "You want to know how I can get through the next 2 hours?" On the sheet of paper, I thought it would say something like faith, medicine, health, persistence, or insanity. Instead, it said, "$17.95." That's how much he gets paid per hour.
I left my extension cord at Coffee Online one day and had to go back for it. I thought it would be a simple pick up, but when I arrived, something dramatic was going on. The counter barista looked at me with genuine fear, and said, "something's going on in the back. I can't get it right now." All these guys were back there crowded around something. I kept trying to look back there to see -- was something stolen? was something broken? And then one of the guys came up with a paper towel and unveiled what was in it to the barista. It was a dead rat.
Last night I met a woman named Ginger who works with recovering alcoholics at the Recovery Cafe during the day, and now manages exit polls by night. Being half asleep, I listened completely devoid of emotion as she explained to me that she loved homeless people. They were crazy, like everyone's crazy, but they just couldn't hide it and there was something beautiful about that. She talked a lot about how great she felt regarding the work that she did, and how she didn't do alcohol and drugs anymore -- no judgment -- it just wasn't her thing. She looked herself like someone who was formerly homeless, an older woman with a bit too much makeup, an air of recovering from alcoholism herself, and a genuine sensitivity, with a distinctly hard edge. Like she'd lost her life and regained it once before.
I'm having trouble, amidst all this, understanding why studying for the bar is so important. I don't think it really is. But I do it anyway, for lack of any better idea about how I could contribute to the world. All I wanted to do is help people and somehow, out of this All American fear of becoming like the people I want to help, I ended up in this world of elitist privilege. And now I don't even know what I'm doing there. Since leaving law school, I am starting to lose interest in gay rights. See, it doesn't really matter, it doesn't really feel that oppressive and awful, when I'm not in the bubble of privilege that is law school. Because the world has a lot more problems than that. |
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| Post-Graduation Debauchery |
[Jun. 2nd, 2005|05:24 pm] |
I'm sleeping 15 hours a night right now. I'm so tired.
Here's a pic capturing the spirit of the last 2 weeks (but you need Friendster to view!). |
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| Asleep in Athens, GA |
[May. 23rd, 2005|10:15 pm] |
Well, almost. I really shouldn't be writing this entry because I'm half awake. I think I've grown 300 new freckles since we visited the beach at Dauphin Island, Alabama. Freckles make me tired. I'm overall not impressed with Athens yet but then again, it is after midnight and I haven't actually seen any of it. I'm pretty sure it's like urban sprawl, only smaller and REM came from here.
In Austin, I smoked from a Hooka with some 22 yr old drag kings who later taught me how to 2-step. I find it problematic that there is not one single lesbian bar in Austin, but thousands of lesbians. However, the gay bar we went to called Rain is one even the Pet Shop Boys would be proud of. I appreciate pictures on the wall of dripping water (especially in humid Texas).
In New Orleans, I met my friend Matt and 2 of his Navy friends, including one just-coming-out young lesbian with a twitch. They talked in code, LBHO this and WTA that, and I learned about the intersectionality between class issues & the military. We managed to build our own lesbian bar on Bourbon street - bonding with 2 older, cute lesbians from the Bay Area who were also on a road trip. Also along for the ride was Victrola Matthew who came up from Orlando and asked us deep questions like what we thought our worst quality was and whether we had ever not slept with someone we liked with whom we had the opportunity to. Deep, deep. The next day we chilled on the balcony of a New Orleans bar resembling Linda's in Seattle and it took us like 3 hours to get a pizza and miraculously we (well, Ali at least) didn't mind.
In order to truly experience New Orleans culture, I exposed my breasts for beads and Ali took a picture, but unfortunately, her camera download cord is having issues (plus Friendster isn't into that sort of thing). There are some really cute pictures of us being drunk and hanging out with the drag kings and Navy folks which I am determined to upload soon even if it means secretly kidnapping Ali's camera and going on a clandestine mission to Target...stay tuned. |
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| West Texas is Filled With Titty Mountains. |
[May. 20th, 2005|03:22 pm] |
Or so we found out. See photo album on my Friendster page. At least there was something to entertain us/get us through West Texas. We're in Austin now where we're staying with my friend Heather, former Seattleite.
So yes, indeed we're still alive, for those of you who are wondering. We unexpectedly stayed with my parents in Phoenix and even managed to jog, play basketball and swim in 100+ degree weather. Though I have to say suddenly this "low budget" road trip is turning bourgeouis -- through my parent's connections, we stocked up on fancy water, strawberries, pita chips and iced wine. And of course Ali and I each have our own cooler (I bought one), computer, digital camera (she bought one), road map and collection of our 100 of our most favorite CDs...with only one overlapping one --Postal Service -- Ali prefers angry boy music to 90s pop....i don't understand how someone could NOT fully appreciate Indigo Girls circa 1996...oh well
We may have kind of made up for our upscale road trip lifestyle last night when we rolled into Motel 6 Fort Stockton at 2 am. Strangely, upon entering, our hotel room was over 100 degrees inside. I'm pretty sure the birds cackling outside at 4 am signaled the end of the world, or at least that's what it sounded like. It definitely wasn't good, whatever it was.
It's been fun driving through Texas and listening to Focus on the Family talk radio with James Dobson and friends. Now I know all about those crazy activist judges and how postmodern Marxism is taking over children's minds from their wholesome, conservative parents. Also, it was nice to be able to wait a half hour at Dairy Queen to observe this rare culture up close: wearing cowboy hats/boots and "don't mess with Texas" belt buckles is quite status quo. Hmm...maybe I need a cowboy hat?
Also, I'm realizing I have new powers on this trip. For example, I seem to have the power to summon Starbucks where you'd never imagine they'd be, such as outside of El Paso. All I need to do is ponder, "wouldn't it be nice if there was a freeway sign to Starbucks?", point with all my will at a sign and magically, there it appears -- the smiling green insignia, directing us to a dependable coffee establishment fully functional and open until midnight. Thank goodness I don't have to drink gas station coffee (like Ali, who doesn't seem to have my power). |
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| No Sooner Did We Begin Than... |
[May. 18th, 2005|12:03 am] |
We got in a car accident somewhere near Nampa, Idaho. The rear view mirror was messed up, and I ran right into the car next to me when I changed lanes because I didn't see it. I had almost run into another one a second earlier and I was shaken up because I couldn't seem to adjust the mirror to see. After impact, we had to drive to the side and this angry middle-aged white guy that was hit called the police and angrily came up to us to gives us some unncessary "fuck you"'s etc. to which Ali calmly replied, "this isn't helping. we're taking care of it. thanks." The important thing: now our mirror is fixed and our insurance will cover it. And we're okay. I got a small citation for failure to stay in my lane (great - one more thing to put on my bar app.)
Later we stopped in Twin Falls, Idaho, mostly motivated (on my part) because of my attachment to the movie of the same name about conjoined twins who fell in love with the same girl. At Wendy's, we saw the real life version of Napolean Dynamite's brother (pic available - look over Ali's shoulder). Twin Falls is actually really beautiful on the outside with this deep ravine and beatiful Astoria-like bridge, but then you get inside and it's one big strip mall.
Currently, we're at a Salt Lake City Best Western. We're treating ourself to these unusual luxury accomodations due to the 12 hour drive. Ali and I had a brief disagreement about the hotel clerk who assumed we wanted two twin beds and not one. He said it in such a way like, "I assume you want 2 beds, right?" which Ali took as very progressive (she had just gotten done being angry about women-hating on the radio so I guess it seemed better than that), but I was a bit annoyed. Maybe it was because he was reeking with Mormonism, and I am naturally suspicious. And maybe a little in the mood to be offended, what with being in Utah and all. At any rate, I think the proper (non-heterosexist, non-leading question) would have been "how many beds would you like?", not assuming anything about us and giving us the opportunity to express what we want, without having to feel like we are going against this guy's views of what he thinks we should be. But again. I'm suspicious.
I almost ran over a fox. I'm glad I didn't. It was very dark driving into the nothingness of Utah. I think there were beautiful mountains but I don't know because I couldn't see them. Maybe tomorrow.
For more info, visit Ali's Journal |
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| Road Trip |
[May. 7th, 2005|09:14 pm] |
Sunday May 14th GRADUATE
May 16th-Montana
17th-Utah
18th-New Mexico
19th-Austin
20th-New Orleans
21st-New Orleans
22nd-Memphis
23rd-Atlanta
24th-Atlanta
25th-North Carolina
26th-North Carolina
27th-Philly
28th-Philly
Sunday, May 29th –Philly/ Leave? |
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| Why People Are Nice But Bus Drivers Hate Me |
[May. 5th, 2005|09:36 pm] |
Today, I was on the bus and didn't have the 50 cents to go with the $1 -- after the bus driver told me to get off at the next stop, someone offered to pay for me, and then the bus driver backed down and said I could pay next time. Then I got off at my stop and thought I forgot my phone. I began a Mission: Impossible Bike Against Bus Race until I caught up with the Bus (luckily, the Bus was going downhill) and asked if anyone had seen my phone. After some frantic searching under some defensive old guy's grocery bags, someone offered to call my phone for me. I yelled my phone number out to the entire bus. When a girl called, my backpack started ringing.
Everyone laughed, and then someone yelled, 'get off the bus already!'
Such is my life. |
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| I Don't Want School To end. |
[May. 2nd, 2005|11:19 am] |
So yeah. I'm freaking out and can't deal. Everything is going in slow motion, like a running on the beach sunset finale'.
Ahhhhhhhhhhajdsgadjgccccccccccccksajfks. |
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| The Decision |
[Apr. 17th, 2005|02:57 pm] |
Oh, and for those of you who are wondering about The Decision.
I'm going with Option B. |
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| I Lost My Phone in San Francisco. |
[Apr. 17th, 2005|02:19 pm] |
Some people lose their hearts in SF. I, uh, lost my phone. So if those few of you who I communicate by phone with would like to humor me by sending me your number again, it'd be mucho appreciated.
I returned from Berkeley yesterday. There's something slightly thrilling about walking around in some foreign city at 6 pm when you don't know where you are going to stay. You really feel a bit like a nomad in the true sense of the term. I've been so spaced out due to other concerns, I didn't even know which airline I was going on when I got to the airport, let alone be able make arrangements for where I was going to stay. It's amazing how spacey I can be for someone whose supposedly going to practice law. Eventually I settled at the Shattuck Inn and stayed in one of their smoking rooms for cheap. They had wireless, even, though obviously I spent most of the time researching for my interview instead of updating LJ.
I realize now I was gone for just a little over 24 hours. This was purely a business visit, so for those of you in SF, don't be offended if I didn't contact you. Those Berkeley Law Foundation folks asked some TOUGH questions. Sample question: "Given that in the south, much of the people that live in rural areas are black, how are you going to face the challenge of connection with those black communities?" In picturing my potential clients for the project, I had not considered how their race might get in the way, and I was obviously floored by the question. Dammit. I deflected it by saying something about race & the law and stuff I'd been doing at school with BALSA/OutLaws, but obviously, I had not been prepared to discuss it in the context of reaching out to rural North Carolina. Not a single person I know confronted me on this issue, in all the times I described the project. For some reason, I had been under the very mistaken impression that there was little to no racial diversity in North Carolina.
I am kicking my own ass for that right now. Consequently, I am feeling extremely NOT confident about the interview. But at least now I'll never have to wonder. |
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